No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
