i don't like sucking hair
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
