..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
