Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
