Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
