You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
