her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
