He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
