thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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