well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
