you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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