How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
