I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
