I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
