the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
