she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
