remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
