Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
