Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Come see our sink grown plant.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
