wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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