The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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