Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
