Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
