Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
