It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
