Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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