we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
