..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
