im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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