So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
