Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
