so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
