Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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