he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
