her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
