There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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