I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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