That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
