Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
