I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
