just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He has the fingertips of a God
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