does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
