dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
