I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
