Whod you bang
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
