Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
