Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
