its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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