Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
