I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The power of my boobs compel you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
