So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
