My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
