a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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