I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
