dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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